Foot in Mouth

I’m kind of notorious for putting my foot in my mouth.  As a small example, I say things like, “I got roped into this,” when what I really mean to say is something like, “I’m not sure how I arrived here, but I am thankful.”  Now, combine that with some of my efforts, (and authentic desire), to connect with and relate to minority, marginalized, and oppressed individuals and groups; and oh, my ignorance is undeniable.

In high school I had this fantastic US History teacher, Mrs. Lewis. She was African American woman who identified strongly and proudly with her African roots as well as her American heritage.  She was passionate, genius, and gracious in teaching us about slavery, civil rights, and detailed African American history. Her father marched with Martin Luther King.  I so desperately wanted to be teacher’s pet and was constantly looking for connection points with her.  One weekend I met an African American pastor from our area; I was sure this was Mrs. Lewis’ pastor – perfect!  You see where this is going…: “Mrs. Lewis, I think I met your pastor this weekend,” I said eagerly….it was a downward spiral from there; foot in mouth.  Thankfully, I wasn’t the first eager, white kid Mrs. Lewis had come across and her grace flowed like a river.

This weekend I am attending the Gay Christian Network’s annual conference, http://www.gaychristian.net/conference/.   I’m straight, I’m an evangelical Christian, and I’m newly reengaging my own thoughts about the number of issues that surround my fellow conference goers.  Perfect recipe for Lizzy to put her foot in her mouth.   So, for today I was mostly in listening mode at the conference.  But I will say at least this through my blog, (to my handful of faithful followers), "I'm not sure how I arrived here, but I am thankful," and grace flows like a river.  Philip Yancey spoke this morning at the conference and fleshed out this idea:  grace is like a river, it always flows downhill.  For that, I am really thankful. 

My Outdoor Mentors

Santa brought Dan and I snowshoes this year and boy do we love them!  Today we took them out for a quick spin on Mt. Evans and it was just beyond beautiful.  As we were hiking along, my thoughts got to floating, as they often do when I am trudging up along a path.  The theme that emerged was simple: I love doing this!, and I am so thankful!  Thankful that I am able!, and thankful for the many mentors that got me to this point.

When I first moved to Colorado, I was attracted to the many outdoor activities, but also overwhelmed by all that I did not know and completely intimidated, mostly due to my tendency towards comparison and difficulty with being a novice.  Thankfully, I had friends that mentored me along the way:
- Kevin: you got me out on hiking trail before I even knew that I wanted to be.  Thank you for your presence and for teaching me that in order to stay warm at night, I needed to keep my arms inside the sleeping bag.
- Lynne: you went walking, hiking, running, and skiing with me when I was recovering from cancer and beyond.  Thank you for your belief, encouragement, and steady friendship.  And for laughing through it all.
- Addy: you knew that my biggest hurdle is my fear of being cold!, so you taught me about good gear and then stuck me in the deep end with winter hut trips and snowboarding in frigid temps.  You are a gifted guide and the antidote to unhealthy competition that plagues outdoor enthusiasts. 
- Dan: you take care of things and take care of me; often tying my boots when I am exhausted or on the verge of giving up.  You are patient and kind, even when frustrated.  And you always bring really good snacks (and beverages) - so key.  Being outdoors with you is a deep joy and especially fulfilling.

Today I thought of all of you with gratitude and big doses of warm nostalgia.  (Especially you, Dan, because I was looking uphill at your backside!!!).

Grassroots in the DR

In the spring of 2009 I went on a trip with my church to the Dominican Republic.  For me the trip was impromptu and I was in somewhat of a daze.  I had just been laid off from my job that I had comfortably had for 6 years and was left with my minuscule private counseling practice to keep me working.  I had a lot of time on my hands and I was a bit lost, (as much of the workforce can empathize with in these recent times).

It is not in my nature to decide three weeks before a trip to just go and especially on a mission trip.  (I am typically pretty intense about purpose and intentionality when I am asking for prayer and especially financial support for an endeavor...more on this later).   Yet, I went at the suggestion of a dear friend, the nurturing of my loved ones, and practical support from friends and strangers.

What a healing and igniting time it was for our group of women in La Victoria: Dominican and North American alike.  Our friends Mercy and Angie had dreamed for years of connecting these women that live in the country side of La Victoria with their friends in Colorado.  The specific purpose/(s) was/(were) unclear, but the value of mutual respect and admiration, and relationship, were the driving force.  We visited with these women in their homes, and explored our value through conversation, teaching, and demonstration. 

And what a full circle time it was for me personally.  Since my undergrad work in International Public Health, I have had a dream of working on a grassroots project with women in a developing nation that was both holistic and practical.  And that was one solid outcome of this trip.  Since our last visit our group has been in contact with these Dominican women brainstorming micro-enterprise business ideas and praying about what our next steps will be.

Two years later, we are returning to get "for real" about these next steps, February 4 to February 11, 2011.  To be true to our Dominican sisters, there is a lot of our trip that is "unplanned", but some things we are planning (with open hands): go with these women to the market in Santa Domingo to explore further possibilities (most of them rarely leave their town), explore material supply options for their product ideas, cook and taste test some products :), make some craft products, provide them with feminine health care kits, investigate gardening options, possibly begin some business basics training and of course - take them to the beach (although it is only 20 minutes away, their daily life does not allow them this luxury).

If you are the praying type, we need lots of it!  Do we even know what we are doing?  Kind of, ...not really?  Pray that we will see what God had envisioned for all of us through this relationship.  And all the practical matters that go along with this.  Oh - and we don't have housing for our stay yet, so...

If you are compelled to give to this cause, we are raising money through our church and your gift would be tax-deductible.  Just make a check to Lookout Mountain Community Church with a sticky note that says "Women's DR Trip" and mail it to: 534 Commons Drive, Golden CO 80401.  As an FYI, I will paying for my travel expenses through my counseling business.  Soon after my trip to the DR in 2009, I committed to growing my private practice as my primary employment and decided to assign a percentage of my business to doing things such as this.  If you do give, it will go towards our team's collective expenses, and things such as supplies for the feminine kits and gardening, (which we will buy in the DR), and micro-loans in the future.

Email me with questions at lizzycasey@gmail.com and more blogging on this to come...

Full of Fear

Full of fear...fear of dogs that is.  There are some caveats: only dogs I don't know and dogs that are barking aggressively.  Ever since I took my jogging habit to the neighborhood streets shortly after college, I have realized this fear pretty regularly.  My gauntlet, (cue creepy theme music here), is a long straight stretch of fence lined path in a suburban Colorado area that is bound to have a medium to large sized dog in at least every other yard.  Holy moly - I feel the anxiety rising even as I type.     

Over the years, I have sought to confront the fear through a variety of tactics: flooding, systematic desensitisation, meditation, deep breathing, singing hymns, all with variable levels and lengths of success.  And yes - all while jogging.  But the truth remains - I am afraid of dogs I don't know.  (Okay - even those that don't bark aggressively). 

And have I even mentioned invisible fences that give this white girl a heart-a-stroke every time I encounter one.  Startle reflex does not even begin to describe it.

Enter my sister.  Meredith and I took a run last Saturday while visiting my parents home in Maryland.  I was enjoying the benefits of lesser altitude and she was hating the time/exercise constraints of being a mommy of two, full time employee, and MBA student.  Enter dog - snarling, woofing, foaming, hunting - Lizzy - FREAKING OUT!  ...on the inside ... or so I thought.  I swear, I didn't even flinch.  And my sister calmly gasps, "Liz - they have have an invisible fence.  See the way the dog is running along the perimeter...its fine."  It's fine.  It's fine.  It really is fine.  I could have cried.

Some fears linger, get stuck, return, no matter the effort, surrender, or softening.  But their power dissipates surprisingly quickly when someone sees the fear and the truth.  Especially when they know you and can detect it as you do...for you.   Especially when you know they would kick the bloodthirsty predator's booty if it even got close to you.  (Meredith is 5'2" and as feisty as they come).

BTW - I really do love dogs I know.  Maebe, Zeke, Bailey, Angel, Sakari, Radley, Charlie to name a few

Full

Wow - my life has been full recently!  Normally I would say I have been busy, (and my schedule has been that at points), but it is more than that - and better than that.  I am thankful.

Hence...no blogging.  But I am recommitting - once again.  And some of this fullness needs to be shared.  I am brimming over.  More to come.  

Hope and HIV

If you have a chance to read this short article:  When HIV babies become adults @  
http://www.denverpost.com/search/ci_16544645

These young people are so inspirational to me.  They have had to deal with realities far too early and have been shaped by things outside of their control that most of us spend a lot of energy trying to avoid: illness, pain, death, loneliness.  Their snapshot stories carry grit and hope. 

This story hit me hard on several levels:
1.  Hope.  Over the last handful of decades the stigma, cruelty, and judgment of HIV/AIDS patients is being chipped away at.  At least to the point where our newspapers run stories about these brave young people. And there is money and time being invested in treatment and cures, and in turn babies born with HIV worldwide.
2.  Awareness.  Public Health Education makes a difference.  I mean - is this me validating my undergrad degree or what? , but seriously - awareness works on our fears and can change behavior.
3. Resilience.  Can you imagine developing as a human with your identity already wrapped around something like HIV/AIDS?  I mean, not just being sick, but people being overtly afraid of the sickness you have?  As a preschooler?  a teenager?  ... your peers; their parents?  And taking experimental drugs that have life-altering side-effects?  And doing this while bouncing from home to home because your parent/s died of the same thing?  These young pioneers, (not due to their choice, but because of their willingness), are a picture of resilience.

Responsibility

In the last year I have been struck by my ways of thinking around personal responsibility.  Before this last year or so, I would have said I thought it was important, but I was not as aware of how deeply this is ingrained into my fiber.

I am not sure I decided to value responsibility from the get go; to me it feels like it has always been there as a guiding principle.  Probably thanks to some combination of my family, culture, genetic predisposition and a multitude of other factors, "I came by it honestly."  It has had its upsides like never not turning in an assignment, (like - for real) and it has had its brutal sides like the gut punch of shame I have felt too many times when I do something human, but feels so very sub-human, (like - well - you name it).

So, I have been in this process of observing my "shoulds" and "oughts" around my own and other's responsibility.  And while I am still processing where that fits in my philosophical and theological paradigm, (which is probably somewhere in the existentialismish realm), I am happy to say that I am feeling much more responsible in my thinking and relating around personal responsiblity.  Sigh.