I had a bad morning last week. You know how it goes: you woke up late, so then are running late, only to realize you forgot something, and all along are in a terrible mood.
Oh, and the other added layer of life I deal with here and there: weird nervous system stuff going bizzaro-bezerk. Its like a combination of icy-hot directly on your muscles, heaviness turned lightness turned numbness every half second, mini-pains with pleasantly tingling nerve bundles as random as a wackado Christmas light display. Electric, dizzying, off-kilter. Silent on the outside, fireworks gone bad on the inside. Freaky.
These symptoms naturally trigger shear terror and then a multitude of coping mechanisms. As I have healed through the years, though, I have begun to believe a soothing truth in these unpredictable episodes. And that is this: nerves that are healing feel the same as nerves that are hurting.
Its true. My symptoms confirm it, my MRIs prove it, my neurologist affirms it. And it is just like my momma said, "There is a lot going on in your body right now and maybe that is what nerves rebuilding feels like."
These sensations that were a part of my every moment 7 years ago, are periodic freaky spells now. Sometimes the sneak attacks are all the more triggering because of their infrequency. But I have this belief that marches against it with light: healing and hurting can have a similar feel.