Have you ever heard the word “blessing” more than when you are having and/or have had a baby? I’m telling you, no. (But I am open to a challenge). So, lets mix it up.
I am “blessed” regularly in a certain way that I am just finding words for. A space and place that is often overlooked, and certainly not honored in a public or systematic way. Friends without babies staying close. And even more, friends longing for babies but are still committed to staying close. Close enough that I get to hear that side of it and be called back to the Beatitude blessing that we humans resist with all our might.
And close enough that I get to see these friends hold Maisey with joy.
I remember the work, the holy and hard work, on that side of it.
I spent many powerful moments on that side of it. That side of wanting a child, of holding a child, of losing a child. Strangely, on this side of it, I miss something of that side. And it is not the sad addiction to darkness that can often creep in after many years of trouble.
Especially now, on this side of it, I see my friends on that side of it know something intimately I do not. At a minimum they know how precious it is to hold this little life in my arms and heart. And at its deepest ends they know what it is to long, desire, and to not be ashamed of it. And so I am not ashamed to admit that sometimes on this side of it, I forget the many years and moments on that side of it.
They bless by not living in spite of the want, but more fully because of the want. Is it possible, to live more fully because of an honored, unmet desire? But you, brave beauties, keep me honest. And whole. You keep me centered and mentor me in the ways of longing and meaning. You testify to me of the goodness that is in my life and the answer to prayer that Maisey is. You keep me hoping, dreaming, and believing for more of God and less of that. Even when that is so very good. (And adorable, in fact).
Which, quite honestly, is quite a bit more valuable than mom-to-mom’s about which diapers to buy.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."