Friday, January 28, 2011

Just a Word About Chronic Illness

It seems to me that every human struggles to share their internal world with this external world.  Part of growing up, maturing, and intimacy is dealing with this very thing.  Now if you add to that the layer of chronic illness, then things get even more messy.  (That same thing can be said for grief, or anything else that is not readily apparent, by the way).

I have hesitated to write much about dealing with chronic illness, because it can really be burdensome for people to read.  And there is this "victimy" feeling that I project that other people are projecting on me.  Not fun.  And I want to be careful, because I think there are many important things for people to hear about dealing with chronic pain or discomfort.  There is something terrible about it; but there is something holy about it. 

This has come to mind in recent weeks for me because I have been dealing with a non-chronic health issue that is not serious, but concerning.  And I have had this overwhelming fear as I have walked into each doctor appointment that the bobbling doctor head would recite, "Oh, that is because of your chronic issues."  And before I even walk in the door, I want to punch the doctor in their face.  Terrible!  But this is where the holy part comes in:  I have to slow myself down; waaaaaay down.  Pray.  Ask God for whatever: patience, insight, assertiveness, receptivity.  And somehow, instead of wanting to punch the doctor,  (which really is NOT an option), I see the other human standing in front of me, (a really smart one), just trying to figure this big mess out.

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