Early in my life I decided that I hated my thighs. I mean, really hated them. The problem was they were attached to me, yet I was at war with them...my own body. For 25 years I was at war with them.
The night after my first neurologist appointment a cease fire was called between my psyche and my legs in the shower. I felt the water trickle over my body on the left side - light, warm, and comforting; my right side - sharp, stinging and muted all at the same time; I was regaining some feeling. I was very aware of the contrast; I imagined what it would be to sense the left side on my right. I prayed for that kind of healing. And then I think the brain lesion had something say; I think God said, "You have hated these legs for way too long. They are yours. You want them. You really do." I really did. I grieved and felt free all at the same time.
This is how it is when your life is turned upside down in a moment. Any time of stillness brings up something unexpected; often overwhelming. Plus - I was on a boat load of steroids, anti-seizure meds, etc. We are whole people; that could have factored in.