Saturday, December 10, 2011

7 Years Later: In Theory

"We used to joke in medical school that if we have to have any cancer, then we would want to have thyroid cancer."  Hm.  Funny joke.

I say that with sarcasm, and a huge dose of understanding though.  I mean.  Everything is easy to talk about in theory and hypotheticals.   Who you want to marry, how many kids you want, where you want to live, how you would act if this or that happened, what kind of cancer you would have... But the reality is always so much.  Hm.  Different.

The stats on thyroid cancer are great.  Especially for a young female.  Like 99% curable.  Sha-BAM!!

But I have to tell you, truly, that my reality sucked.  After the physical trauma of the surgery and anesthesia, my body was a neurological circus on steroids; Cirque Du Soleil on acid style.  And lets not forget that my head had just been cut off.  (Smirk).

Prognosis really is only as good as you feel.  I totally get people going on an African safari after a terminal illness diagnosis when they still feel great.  Because, hell!, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow.  (This is the material for many a movie).

Yet, and, still, I would not advocate for that alone.  Wisdom, it seems comes from living in between theory and your experience.  Believing that life comes when not denying either.


My therapist called me a few days after the surgery, "So was it cancer?"  "Yes."  "Shit.  I'm sorry."  "That's okay!  Really.  I'm happy.  There is something actually wrong with me that has a name.  And there are tests to prove it."

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